my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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