Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
