You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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