I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Randomize
