I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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