I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Randomize
