God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Oh god it's open bar.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
