How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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