tonight lets celebrate not being married
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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