That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
