Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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