i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
