I'm gonna have a badass scar
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
