with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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