You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
