I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
