i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
