i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
