He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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