Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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