I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
