shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
false alarm, still single
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
