I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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