ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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