dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
