Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
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Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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