And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
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Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
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Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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