He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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