But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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