I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
