as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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