Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
