I never want to see another naked old woman again.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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