my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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