I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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