im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
