Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
