I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
