after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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