Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
