my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
