I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
