Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Randomize
