you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
