i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
if only i could text you this smell
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
