Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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