i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
