pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize