I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
