You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
