3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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