How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
love makes seman taste better
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
