i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It's rum buckets o'clock
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
