That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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