I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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