So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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