I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
