I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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