its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
