You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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